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The syndrome of News Cannibalism

March 6, 2012

Getting my Uni degree and the whole undergraduate experience  made me passionate about inventing awkward theories. Recently, I came up with the Wave Theory, which was an improvement of my previous attempts to put some of my wild ideas in the context of a real theory. For instance, I tried to do that in the “Sex and the City” project, the vampires in the society post and of course in my TV-show inspired previews of the media as addction, obsession and manipulative money-making industry.

As a Media student I am supposed to be well informed about a lot of stuff. So, the wide variety and the amount of news that my brain is overdosing with is not some kind of self-punishment. Not of course! It’s such a blast, especially when I suffer from the syndrome of News Cannibalism.

My first symptom was first noticed by my parents and the visitors of my room. There, I’ve been cutting and ripping apart whole newspapers and magazines just to put them on my walls. Later on, piles of paper editions of the press started missing from the whole house. They were later found in pieces under my bed or in the closet.

One of the next signs of the syndrome came with severe desire of changing the channels on the TV just to hear one an the same story again and again in stead of watching the whole News block. Also, news presenters started provoking aggression and anti-social behaviour. With the upraising popularity of the online news, my interest in the press got weaker but not less intense.

My treatment with huge doses of online news from various sources such as online papers and blogs did not show improvement. My condition got even worse. I was now a news monster. I kept on reading only the news that caught my attention strong enough. This went on until the very moment I realised what I was suffering from and gave myself into the syndrome which I decided to name News Cannibalism.

After giving it a name, I was able to control it and to become Master of the News Cannibalism. At that point I was able to do everything! Going through the news with a critical quick look, ripping apart newspapers and magazines and recycling what’s left of them (no evidence of what I’ve done), reading only article titles and guessing its content word by word..

So, my dear reader.. If you think that you may suffer from the syndrome of News Cannibalism, please do not hesitate to help yourself. STOP BUYING NEWSPAPERS. Save yourself the money and the suffering that your condition causes. For further details, try to contact the wise Bournemouth citizen I told you about HERE! Guess he’ll make you believe in this treatment..

Good Luck!

 

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